DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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