if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
