You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
