I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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