Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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