I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
