So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
