She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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