genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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