drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
