Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
