areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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