I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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