I wish life had little blips of pornography
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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