I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
