i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
