If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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