So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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