Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
