I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
