so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
