Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
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