3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
