god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
