U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My dick has a subreddit
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
