So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
