I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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