Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
