How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
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Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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