fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
