So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
