Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
