guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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