I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
