direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
