so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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