On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.