my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.