Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
