Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
