You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.