I feel great
I just peed on a car
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.