Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
