How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!