Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
