I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
