after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oh god it's open bar.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
