She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
