Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
