I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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