are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
