i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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