just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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