2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
