there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
