Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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