did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
