Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
