Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
