i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
