don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
