I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
