I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
