Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
