I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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