WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
