What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
