The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
