Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My sheets look like a crime scene.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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