and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
