New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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