She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
