he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
