do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
