you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
