how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
