hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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