I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
