i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
