We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
