Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
