I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
