using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
