i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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