So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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