I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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