I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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