yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."