omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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