I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Randomize
