Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
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My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!