the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.