gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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