So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
