I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
