There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
