omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think your dad took our porno
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
