this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
